It has been a while since I was last here. Most likely before I started my next job and graduated from Masters and took on a white collar role at a corporate. This time it’s a better one [yes, the tone says a lot about the image of corporates], yet this time our corporate is truly helping people. But my post won’t be about the feared word corporate, but the quest for personal happiness [and NOT the romantic one, thank you very much – self-realisation is the one I am looking for].
When I consider how I thought back in 2016 at my last post, it believe I was -and I most likely was- young and ignorant. Back then, I have signed up for a job where I worked relatively remotely -manager sitting in a different country-, which really hit it’s mark on the first year. Simply put, I was out of my league and felt it badly. The situation had become better later [I was too stubborn to give up] and I managed to learn the most from my immediate peers, but having been still enrolled in full time uni study, I was missing some of the more “existential” questions of contentment and happiness.
After settling my education status by graduating, I am now starting to feel, maybe with some delay of having worked already 7 years with full time studies, a sudden panic and rush of fear of missing out which I believe should be “The Life”.
Just like the crisis hitting of 1928, as a 28 year old I fear of missing out the possibility of happiness coming from reaching ones full potential. Those who studied management or business related subjects will surely appreciate that grand idea that the market -and extrapolatedly we humans should – expect unending growth, not only at work but also in our personal life. I admire those who have figured things out but I wonder – is there anyone else has felt uncertain in the search for ultimate contentment with facing some odds?
Admitting fear though has not been and never will be attractive. The English culture is not ready to answer questions of “How are you” with “Thank you, unfortunately I am facing some uncertainties”, as it can be also seen as overly negative. The more uncertain we are, the more others will try to convince us that some things should be this or that way. Toppled that with existential and self-realisation questions arising, seeing others getting ahead without the same grit and sacrifice shown in life in general is a hard pill to swallow as now, it is not only grades that you are missing out on.
I wonder if you have experienced similar situations and if yes, how did you find your answer? I would welcome advice, otherwise will continue seeking my way as I have – with a half smile and lots of greenery around me.